Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Saints Row The Third

What do you call a game which has no depth in story, no challenging combat, is completely unrealistic though is set in the present day and yet and yet is loads of fun? Saints Row The Third. You don't have to fight evil, you don't have to save the world, and you don't have to play the previous two games this franchise to enjoy this one. This one gives you outrageous weapons, and awesome vehicles in an open-world setting similar to GTA but its just way ahead of the Grand Theft Auto Series because not only are you stealing cars and ruling a crime gang, you're also doing crazy stuff like running around naked on a streaking mission, driving around town with a tiger as your co passenger, hitting people with a weapon which looks like a dildo cum baseball bat (Damn, too many puns) and throwing around mind-controlling octopi on rival gang members. When you just want to indulge in some mindless violence and insanity, this game is perfect.

Character customization plays a big part in the entire game, from your body to your dress to your vehicles. You can look like a glamorous goddess or a giant sumo wrestler. Its up to you. Customization is extremely flexible, giving you the choice to create whatever you what. And when I say that, I mean you can make a bombshell with a beard or a mean-looking man who sounds like a woman from Eastern Europe. Seeing a man in a sexy cowgirl outfit or a woman wearing a giant Johnny Gat head in cutscenes in which everyone treats him or her as a respected gang boss is hilarious. And if you get bored with your character's current appearance, voice, or outfit, plastic surgery and clothing from the varied boutiques of Steelport cost a pittance, so you can reinvent yourself as often as you please.

From the moment you arrive in Steelport, you have an assortment of vehicles to steal as well as a tremendous list of challenges you can strive to complete or ignore. Many of these reward you for doing things that you might want to do for fun anyway, like streaking, vehicle surfing, driving in oncoming traffic, catching big air in cars, doing wheelies or stoppies on motorcycles, nailing basejumps, killing people in those creepy mascot outfits, and much, much more. Everything from near collisions while driving to running down the street naked earns you respect. And remember, Steelport is all about RESPECT! Respect also gives you a host of upgrades like health increases, combat abilities, the option to recruit more gang members to follow you around, and much more.

Optional activities all over Steelport boost your street cred and earn you cash. My favorites are the Mayhem - Where you go and blow the city up along with passing cars to cause as much monetary damage as possible and Insurance Fraud missions - where you to run into traffic and cause as much bodily harm to yourself to get money from insurance.  

Before the credits roll you'll catsit a tiger, play a hilarious text adventure, get a sex change, hack up Mexican wrestlers with a chainsaw, visit a Tron-like computer world, and participate in many other ridiculous leisure activities. Saints Row the Third can be accused of being many things, but repetitive isn't one of them.

By completing certain story missions you gain access to badass vehicles like a transforming hover jet and a pixilated retro-game tank. In the spirit of staying out of the way of the player's good time, Saints Row 3 gives you an infinite supply of these recreational vehicles in your cribs. So grab an F-69 VTOL hover jet, take it joy riding, crash it, then go home and grab another. As many times as you want. Or, you can have it delivered right to you, wherever you are. Amazing.

The licensed soundtrack -- heard on car radios throughout the game -- includes many fantastic songs ranging from hip-hop to electronic to classical. You can toggle stations on and off or build a playlist of all the songs you like.

 Saints Row: The Third is an open world adult theme park where we can treat ourselves to delightful acts of bloodshed and perversion. Whether you're buying up property to increase your hourly income, cruising the city in your favorite vehicle to collect photo ops, drug packages, and sex dolls, or punching people to bits with a crazy giant boxing glove - the apocafist, there's rarely a dull moment. Saints Row: The Third succeeds tremendously at delivering its unique brand of raunchy, outrageous fun. If you have an appetite for this  kind of absurdity, like I do, you won't be disappointed.